Monday o' Month

Therapy just finished. How am I feeling? Have a little tightness in my chest.

I felt bad because I thought she was disinterested, though I know she was just tired. Guess I’m still triggered by that guy.

“How would it be to meditate without that anxiety,” was something suggested. It would be a relief and I think it’s feasible.

Still feeling some tightness. 13:32

What are the anxieties in mind?

“Is Zach home?” “Did he hear me?”

“I still have to clean my room”

“I feel pathetic and lonely without Jessica”

“My body is on the brink of zombification”

“I ruined my relationship with Elizabeth”

“I’m all alone”

“I’m dying in my own body”

Thought: Grab NYC ID from Library.

Response: Tightness. Tears coming up. Hopelessness. “I won’t ever be able to get that card.” “I am not taking care of my body.” Urge to give up.

Hate the filth of my underwear where I put my face. Hate the filth all over my body and living spaces.

I’m so lonely that I have come to appreciate the fruit flies sharing my living space sleeping on the same blanket as me. But actually this bed is deep fried in filth.

Monday, 04 August 2025, 13:41. Let me try to meditate.